That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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