my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
