some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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