I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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