Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
