i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How's work?
Spinning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
