everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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