Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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