Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
