He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
