it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
