im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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