my mouth tastes like poor choices
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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