No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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