My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
