Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
two words...techno handjob
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
