my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
