dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
