I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
