What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
