I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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