weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
