I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
