Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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