I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
