It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
