i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
