a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
