The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
