i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
