Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
