I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i think i just lost a toe
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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