I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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