My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
