I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
