if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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