party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
