I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
