Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
