Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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