My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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