You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
