i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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