I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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