3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
