He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
