I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
