my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
