i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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