i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
