Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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