nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
