i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
