don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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