I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
