Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
