The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
