i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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