I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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