To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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