I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You pole danced in your parka.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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