We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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