He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
