i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize