I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
