You're completely useless in the revolution.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize