I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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