hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
