Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
