He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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