all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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