guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
