We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
