I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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