Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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