Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
