i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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