If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
