Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
