don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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