wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
