i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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