So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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