Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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