If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
