Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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