grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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