I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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