So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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