She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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