I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
