I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
