Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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