ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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