I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
