the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
