The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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