i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
