Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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