I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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