There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
