Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
