Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
