it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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