I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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