maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
