I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
