No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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