Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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