I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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