you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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