she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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